Blizzard’s Murloc Lawyers Accidentally Summon Succubus During Late-Night Discovery—Motion to Compel Takes Unexpected Turn
September 1, 2025 | Azeroth eQuirer
“We Were Just Trying to Find More Evidence, Not Temptation”
In a development that has left even the most jaded paralegals clutching their pearls, Blizzard’s amphibious legal team—already infamous for their questionable ethics and suspicious slime trails—allegedly summoned a full-blown succubus during a midnight “discovery session” in their porn-laden legal dungeon.
According to insiders, the murloc partners at Dewey, Cheatem & How were rifling through a pile of sticky legal briefs and out-of-print “Gnome Gone Wild” calendars when senior litigator Murglurg accidentally chanted a forbidden phrase:
“Mrrglglgl… IN NOMINE FEL MAGICA!”
Within seconds, the room was filled with a sulfurous cloud, and a six-foot demoness materialized, heels first, clutching a subpoena and a whip made entirely of red tape.
“She Claimed to Be a Notary”
“We thought she was here to notarize our counterclaim,” confessed Murloc junior associate Blibberglub. “Turns out she was billing by the minute and charging in both fel shards and legal tender. Our retainer’s gone and so is our dignity.”
After-Hours Discovery: Not What the Judge Had in Mind
Court transcripts reveal the session descended into chaos as the succubus demanded the lawyers “plead their case… and maybe more.” Several murlocs reportedly fainted after she suggested they “approach the bench without briefs.”
Judge Thunderbrew, after being awakened by a 3am scrying stone alert, issued an immediate order:
“Let the record show that discovery shall take place during daylight hours only, and pants are required in all chambers.”
Blizzard PR in Damage Control—Again
Blizzard’s legal PR unit issued a carefully worded statement:
“While we encourage outside-the-box thinking, all future discovery will be conducted in well-lit, succubus-free environments. We apologize for any infernal inconveniences this may have caused.”
At press time, the succubus was reportedly last seen leaving the dungeon with three murlocs, a briefcase full of confidential documents, and the last surviving copy of Elune’s Moonkin Centerfolds 2007.