Scandal Erupts: Blizzard Legal Team Unmasked as Murlocs—Caught in Porn-Filled Dungeon Surrounded by Legal Briefs

In an explosive revelation that has rocked the legal world from Stormwind to Silvermoon, Blizzard’s notoriously aggressive legal team has been unmasked as a cabal of highly literate murlocs—caught red-finned in a dungeon stuffed with both legal briefs and suspiciously sticky scrolls.

Operation: WAAAAARGH—The Raid That Changed Everything

The scandal broke after a group of intrepid journalists from the Azeroth eQuirer infiltrated what was believed to be Blizzard’s top-secret “Litigation War Room.” Instead, they found a dimly-lit cavern decorated with faded nudie mags, ancient VHS tapes labeled “Swimsuit Gnome Calendar ’06,” and a suspicious amount of slime.

“I knew something was fishy when the lead counsel kept answering every question with ‘Mrrrglglgl!’ and demanded all paperwork be notarized with seaweed,” said our anonymous source, a former gnome paralegal now in witness protection (currently hiding as a mailbox in Ironforge).

“It’s an aquatic work environment,” says Blizzard

Blizzard PR issued a statement:

“We embrace diversity in all its forms, including our amphibious legal staff. As for the dungeon décor, that’s just a motivational tool to keep our lawyers working hard—and possibly distracted.”

Legal Briefs, Used Briefs, and Brief Encounters

Raiders reported legal documents scattered everywhere—mixed indiscriminately with smutty murloc romance novels and unsigned subpoenas. At least one lawyer was found attempting to summon a notary public using only a conch shell and three empty bottles of Nagrand Spring Water.

“It’s clear now why they’re so relentless,” said legal analyst and part-time warlock, Delthar Spiteshadow. “You corner a murloc, you get bit—and then sued for defamation.”

Shockwaves Through Azeroth

The revelation has thrown Blizzard’s ongoing Turtle WoW lawsuit into chaos. The judge has called for an immediate dungeon lockout and is reviewing whether murloc legal degrees from “Deepscale University” are actually accredited.

At press time, the Blizzard legal team was unavailable for comment, reportedly busy “cleaning up the evidence” with a combination of fel-fire and Lysol wipes.